A salute to the brave

I am not used to talking about depressing subjects, least of all here, where even my cover of almost complete lack of popularity (among bloggers I should say) will not entirely cover over when I talk about personal type subjects. Such as, for instance, my underwear drawer. No need to be alarmed! I promise I will not talk about such intimate details, but rather confine myself to the task of writing my abstract thoughts, which seem to be depressingly green, or perhaps even purple. I feel that many of us are plagued by something so very hard to control, to master. That being said, I wrote a small soliloquy about the most common disease among young people, and perhaps even among old people. I do wax religious at one moment, but it's they ray of hope that pulls me through my silent reveries, so please bear with it, and I hope that some good might come out of it. After all, there's healing involved when you talk about touchy subjects.

That being said, let us go on with the show!

What is it about our feelings, our most innate and natural instincts, that drives us to seek out others, to chase after companionship? We seem to go willy nilly in persuit of those people who understand us, to seek actively after someone, something, that makes us feel that we are not alone. It has been said “We read to know we are not alone” or even, “We love to know we are not alone,” to which I add “We believe to know we are not alone.” There is something, some discontented monster that drives us all to chase after some sort of connection. Why? Why is that we are not content merely to exist? Why is it that we feel lonely? It cannot be only natural instinct, for animals do not feel the same. They wander from place to place, content merely by the presence of others, whilst we mortals seek after something so much more difficult to encounter. Understanding from others, and connections to them that last. We form acquaintances, friendships, and even get married, all seeming to be with the intent to appease this hungry beast that lives within us all. The beast of loneliness.

And yet, at times I sit all alone, and contemplate. I feel the rush of the wind passing me by, I hear the swaying of the trees and the shaking of the leaves. I behold the beauty of the stars as their transcendent light trickles down upon me, lighting my soul from without, the eternity of light displayed before me. I sit there, feeling the cool night air, the sharpness of fall approaching, and I wonder. There are times when the beast quiets down, when the monster within me is, for a breath in time, silent. It makes me wonder. Does God ever feel lonely? Does He understand that monster?

I’ve found that those moments of quiet reflection, of solitary solace, show me an inner peace not often realised. The type where you say “I am content to be me in me,” without outside approval or appreciation. Perhaps God feels that way, and wants us all to feel that way. Though He did say “It is not good for man to be alone” (nor woman either, for that matter), I can’t help but feel that true power comes when we realise that happiness is not dependant on others, though it may be influenced by them. How this works, I still don’t know, but perhaps you have to be married to understand. Or have kids. Or something. I really could not tell, in the cosmic scheme of things I’m just a child with dreams and nightmares, the light bringing me aspirations worthy of Camelot, of peace and prosperity, of kindness and good will, with the dark bringing me frights and worries, the type that make little children afraid and grown men worried. I’m just an ordinary person, with the usual amount of wisdom and foresight, and the usual abundance of hindsight.

But, whoever I be, and however I am, I can tell one thing. The power behind the word “lonely” is a true force to be reckoned with. There are those who endure lives nightmares, abuse and torments, only to be free of the idea of being lonely. Some are much more content being someones, then being happy. I know of few so brave, nor few so strong, as those who face lives challenges alone. Though, I do admit, I believe we are never alone, those who confront challenges without a mortal along for support have my deepest respect. I salute you, all of you strong enough to keep going, to do what is right, without that kind of backup, without the constant prodding of visible support. You are brave, and I admire you for it. I know that God will look down and say “well done,” and one day He will put an end to that horrible beast called loneliness inside each of us, and then, finally then, we will understand.