Once again we return to the subject at hand and heart. Okay, mostly heart, because that's the organ associated with feeling, and sometimes feelings are so interesting that they must be discussed to the most minute detail, that the things of life may be displayed in their true color. No, not pink, not black: yellow.
Actually, I thought I'd just share a little thought that I had. I've discovered my one and only problem with the love shared in fairy tales. I say fairy tales in general, because I can think of some exceptions to the idea that I'm about to present (Beauty and the Beast being one of them. I knew I liked that show for a reason), so it must be taken as a generic rule, with some specific exceptions. Indeed, it may be said that there will be disagreeing in the minds of many who meander along these words, with the same disinterested interest that one finds in a cat, interested in seeing where a bug will land. Ready for the kill, it waits, not interested in where the bug flies, but interested in where it will land.
Um, yeah.
The part of fairy tale love, the thing that is most difficult to get my head around, and in the end the thing that makes fairy tales not like real life is one thing, and one thing only. I personally think that certain types of people (and in many cases certain specific people) cross paths because of how happy they would make each other. I also think it entirely possible that these people would be attracted to each other at some stage. I also think that "happy ever after" is a distinct possibility, as long as it's understood that happily ever after is not a naive thing, and that anything that isn't naive feels pain at times, though in many cases these pains do not detract, indeed may add, to a deeper more genuine happiness.
So far, I believe in fairy tales. Here is the part that I am incapable of reconciling myself with. The idea of love as a force so powerful that it transcends agency. This idea of a love as almost an external force that drives men and women to do things that, quite frankly, they would ordinarily not do, is a little hard for me to swallow.
Case in point: what would have separated Cinderella from the other girls presented to Prince Charming that night? He had not spoken to her, had only had the chance to see Cinderella to make the decision that she was the one, over all the other girls. Now, I'm not a girl so I can't say this with total conviction, but I'm pretty sure that girls don't want a guy who is going to judge them purely on their looks. Because, if you don't think it was a looks based thing, then it had to be some sort of external force working on Mr. Charming. I have a hard time thinking that an external force could do that, transcend decision.
The problem in my mind is that the minute that the true love is found, the decision is made. There's no struggle. There's no inner battle between opposing forces, there's no decision made. I understand that some people actually make decisions in the moment, but it seems like most of the people who are like that go on making new decisions every minute. I think it would be tiring to be finding your one soul mate every other day. Just imagine how tired your singing voice would get. True love's kiss would definitely no longer be the most powerful force in the universe.
And here's a random question: If Giselle had kissed Prince Edward whiles still in Malaysia (or whatever the place was called), would it have been true love's kiss? Because if it wouldn't have been, does that make you nervous about the person you're dating right now? Imagine the implications for married people. But if it were, what would that say? Random, I know, but there you go.
Yeah, that's basically the problem that I say. Fairy tales in a general sense seem to hover around this idea of an external force that both transcends choice and circumstance (true love will always make the way in fairy tales. It's never actual people making the way).
Personally, I worry about the fact that I'm even taking the time to point out that actual love (real true love) isn't a chance thing. It's not something you win or receive, like the end of a betting routine. If that were true, I'd be worried. There's only one hero and one heroine that end up truly in love in the fairy tales, even though there's a lot of characters. Love is a choice, something you have to take a chance on. Something you have to decide.
We have to choose love? Spooky.
Happy Halloween!
7 comments:
First, remind me to never watch a chick flick with you. It will kill my mood in less than two seconds.
Second, Tammy and I approve of your point. We also feel that most fairy tales are decidedly unrealistic . . . but that's why they're fairy tales.
Third, you know number one was a joke, right? Kind of. But really. If you ever watch a chick flick with me, please don't point out all the ways they're not really falling in love with each other . . .
Fourth, I think it's kind of funny when you ramble away from your main point in a blog post, but then you return to it because you know you've been rambling.
Fifth, I really do like the point about agency: the roomies and I were actually having a discussion about this the other day. To an extent, you can't choose who you love. But you can also choose who you love. Paradoxically.
And it's late, and I'm rambling, so now I'm going to stop my comment.
the end.
I agree with what you wrote. Love is a choice, not some external force that drives people together under the most random of circumstances (aka. Royal Balls, Wishing Wells, Daring Rescues, True Loves Kiss, and I could go on and on). I particularly enjoyed the part where you stated that true love isn't naive. There will be pain and trials, but if a couple truly loves each other, they can work through it together.
On the other hand, when a person makes the choice to love someone and that love is not returned, they have to consciously decide to let go of that love (which sometimes is more difficult than finding love to begin with). I guess that's why it's referred to as taking a chance.
Thank you for pointing out that love isn't a chance thing. It grows and changes. It can be lost or strengthened. There are so many different facets to love that the dictionary description has almost thirty entries. It's simple...and yet so very complicated.
Love really is a hard thing to understand, especially when it is most often portrayed along with some magical witchcraft or fairy dust which helps it along. Like being able to make fabulous clothes out of drapery and rugs. On the other hand I think that the reason why the bad guys fail is because they are afraid and have low self esteem that they have to try and make other people's lives miserable to help them feel better about themselves. If only they just tried to love someone other than themselves. There is one thing I have learned about myself is that if a situation is confusing or doesn't make sense then it is probably not the right situation to be in, but if I can see clearly and the situation just seems right, then I know that I am in the right place. I think the same applies to love, when you are able to see clearly and it just makes sense, even if you are nervous about what to do next, if you go for it and it still makes sense then things will probably work out right. Another thing is that even if the choice seems clear, it isn't going to be easy, life takes work and even some tears, but in the end. . . not really the end or even happily ever after, you still have to wake up the next day and keep on keepn' on. As many wise people have said 'Never give up. Never surrendur'. I think it came from Galaxy Quest at one point. One liners are fabulous.
By the way, Didn't Abba say something about taking a chance?
I hope you don't mind if I make a comment. I agree with you as far as fairy tales are not realistic. That when you find true love that there isn't a battle. I think the battle starts every time you find somebody you are interested in. All of a sudden you start thinking "how can I possibly make a commitment when I'm trying to get an education, work, do a church callings and keep my head above water?" It seems over-whelming and totally impossible.
When I was young a play came out called "Saturdays Warrior." It was a big hit, but all of a sudden people started looking for their soul-mates....the one they made a commitment to in the pre-mortal life. I personally think that anyone that lives their religion and keeps the commandments could be a possible mate. The real search is finding someone that will help you to be a better person and you can help them. Love doesn't have to be scary.
It takes time and a willingness to try. That doesn't mean it will work out and some hearts may be broken along the way, but in the end...it is worth it.
So true, so true. Thank you. I guess I am more scared of rejection than of love. Holding your heart out to someone on a silver platter can be frightening, especially when you don't know if he will look at it and turn away or pick it up and then throw it down and step on it or if he will take his out and place it on the platter along with yours. The education thing seems a piece of cake compared to making the eternal kind of decisions. Especially when weighing the thought of either going to grad school or looking for someone to spend an eternity with. But I'm willing to give it a try.
I think grad. school would hard, but you would see the end.
With a relationship...you have to rely on faith, commitment, and loving a person that's not perfect. My husband has always told our children to make the person they like...mad...to see how they handle things. It became a family joke, but it really makes sense. You have to see the person in a lot of different situations, because that is the only way you can decide if you can live with their imperfections.
It is hard to put your heart out on a platter only to have rejection. I remember those times very well. I had several heart breaks. I was shy and so it was hard for me to move on, but obviously I did.
My oldest was engaged to a young man that suddenly decided that "she wasn't the one." I've watched my three kids go through heart-ache, but that was horrible. The family lived in our ward. I had just finished her wedding dress. Within a couple of weeks, her ex-fiance was engaged to another girl. She knew her life wasn't over, but it broke her heart. It was a hard time and she wondered if she could ever "give" her heart to somebody else.
The positive part of this story is that she did find another great young man. She looks back and knows that by going through the broken engagement...it helped her to see the qualities she needed her husband to have.
My mom use to say: "You never know the sweetness until you've tasted the bitterness." How do you know what you truly want if you don't reach out? BUT...I'm not suggesting that you rush into anything really fast. Eternity IS a long time.
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