On Engagement

I must be ADD. Because the title of this post made me think "On engagement, on!" Like cheering for it somehow would raise the spirits of just about any single guy out there who is looking for engagement. Is that what guys are looking for? I always thought it was a girl.

I just have a few thoughts about engagement. Well, thoughts on the general subject. My first thought is: I STILL do not understand what people mean when they say things about enjoying the engagement stage. I've had a few people tell me that I should live it up, enjoy being engaged, and all that. I don't really understand that, honestly. To me it's a little like saying "Hey, you starving man over there-you should enjoy smelling that home-made bread. Seriously, man, enjoy it." Sure, there is plenty to be enjoyed, but the excitement about what's coming makes me a bit impatient. That, and the fact that we decided to get married a month after getting engaged is making preparations crazy. And my mom crazy. It's making preparations and my mom crazy. I'm sure it doesn't help when I go bouncing off the walls, singing away about getting married in the morning and such. "Girls come and kiss me, show how you'll miss me. . ." Honey Bee, please don't be jealous.

Oh, did I mention that I'm getting married? I am! I'm getting married to the most marvelous kind of girl possible. Because she already has a nickname, I'll stick with it, and refer to her as Honey Bee. She's marvelous, and I'll spare all of the the run down about her numerous and various virtues. Let it be enough to say that I love her, and I'm looking forward to loving her more as time goes by. Which is very different from when time goes out. Or when time goes bad. Yeah, that's no good. Rotten time is at the heart of almost all indigestion problems.

I've also noticed that people love to tell you how excited they are for you. Just the other day, when my brother Basserpercusionist (it's been a while since I've referred to him in this blog so I hope that is his nym) and I were having a brothers day, he was so excited for me he told me so about ten times before I said I thought I had an adequate idea of how excited he was. I find it ironic that in a world where marriage is so often belittled, people still get really excited for others when they're getting married.

For my own part, it still feels pretty unreal. By that I mean that it doesn't really feel like I'll be getting married. I look into my future, and I see bacon. Okay, I don't really see bacon, I see me doing mostly what I've been doing for all my life. Marriage presents an entirely new world to me, one that, unlike the mission, my preparation has been second place until only a few years ago. I spent the first nineteen years of my life so focused on going on a mission, knowing that it was expected of me, and that I wanted to go. When I left of my mission I was gung-ho, ready to serve. So much so that I didn't feel any homesickness until about three or four months into my mission. It took that long for the shine of 'being on a mission' to wear off, and for reality of what I was facing to really set it. Coincidentally, that's about when my trainer got transferred.

The years since my mission have been anything but clear as to what my main objective should be. Marriage, definitely important, but education was also vital, as was choosing a career path. I arrive, then, on the engagement scene much less prepared than I was for the mission scene. Those who know me well know that underneath the bubbly exterior I enjoy having is a mind that deliberates to an almost faulty extent. I deliberate on most everything, and when I think the subject is eternally important I deliberate more than is probably healthy. Honey Bee will tell you that I certainly took my time making a decision to even date her, let alone marry her. I am certain that I have made the right choice and that I am going to have happiness greater than any I've known to date, and I'm excited for that. But how do you quiet a mind that is so used to weighing every possible outcome, especially the bad ones? It's my nature to think of what could go wrong, as well as how good things could be.

So I don't understand the enjoying of the engagement stage. I find myself in this limbo land where I'm excited on one level and concerned on another. I'm moving forward into something I don't know. It's dark there. Each step lights up a little (am I in a nintendo game?), but the future still has a lot of unknowns. Being engaged, I could still pull the plug (I'm not going to, in case you're worried. The certain/excited part of me is, in the end of the day, the stronger part), so my mind still works over what could go wrong, or how amazing it could be. I'm a peace loving man, especially when it comes to my own soul, so this limbotic (is that word?) stage I find myself in is not so much fun.

Still, it's pretty early in the whole thing. Heck, I'm getting married and the engagement is still going to be a pretty new thing. I have no doubt that when the day dawns it may just be a lot like when I went on my mission. The waiting will be over, Dad and Mom may cry, and I'll be excited out of my mind, to the point where I won't actually remember much of what happens.

I can't wait.

Quick Thing

So, I've decided that Facebook is missing something. An app that suddenly dawned on me. And because this blog is about Facebook, and because I don't much care for Facebook, actually, this is going to be a short blog. Because I've realized a power Facebook could give me.

I COULD MEET MY FRIENDS' FRIENDS.

Woah, that's right, hold on to your socks, because the power of that statement might just shift them a little. Or maybe I'm just trying to get you to stretch. Either way, can you see the power of that statement? No? Oh. Well, then. Never mind.

In all seriousness, though. Well, okay, maybe I'm running at about eighty percent right now. Which would not be enough serious power to avoid a Klingon. But, it would be enough to say that I no longer have to wait to be introduced to the people that my friends know. I'm going to start stalking them before I've even heard of them! Woo! Power to the people! And by people I mean stalkers! Yeah!

It is pretty cool that I can see who my friends know, though. Of course, Facebook friendships are so shallow, it's entirely possible that my friends' friends are only Facebook friends with benefits, you know, that give you sweet deals in farmville and the like. And that is the only benefit of a Facebook friend I could come up with.

I told you it would be quick.

100

I recently took a facebook challenge and answered one hundred questions about myself. Most of the questions were pretty bland. Things like what are you drinking now, what's your favorite color, have you ever kissed your best friend's sister's boyfriend's sister, that sort of thing. Apart from being obvious questions, I realized that they tell no one anything about me. At all. I mean, sure I get the latest scoop about the strange pathways love may take, but past that I divulge nothing from answering the one hundred truths. They weren't specific enough to be revealing, they weren't probing enough to be uncomfortable or embarrassing (not necessarily a bad thing) and they were nothing like me. I mean, the questions had no soul!

That's the problem with social networking. Those sorts of things always seem to be created by people who mostly just want to see how many people will repost them. Well, today I celebrate 100 posts, and so I'm going to answer 100 of my very own made up questions. Since I don't expect anyone to repost this, I am under no obligation to make these questions non-specific to myself. Oh, and as much fun as this will be, I reserve the right to answer the questions as cryptically as I want. After all, this the internet, and anyone can look, so answers on here will be for anyone, and I'm leery of answers for anyone. Answers for Anyone. I think that's what I'll name my band.

Question 1: What would you name your non-existent band?

Answers for anyone

Question 2: What would this band consist of?

People, a piano, three guitars, a harmonica, and an interpretive dancer who sometimes plays the tambourine.

Question 3: How do you deal with stress?

I punch a punching bag. Or I work out. I don't look like I work out, though. I also like to eat cookies and play music when I'm stressed. Only cookies will do, though. And stress cookies have to be crunchy, or they're ineffective. Stress Cookies would be a good name for a toy.

Question 4: What's your biggest fear?

Hurting other people on accident. I'm serious. I was always a little large for my age (as a kid, now I'm pretty average sized) and I was always scared I'd accidentally squish someone or something. Of course, that could have been a super power too, if I had looked at it right. I'd be like Poe from Kung Fu Panda. People would say "What're you gonna do, big guy, sit on me?" and I could say "don't tempt me" and then tummy bump them and knock them to the floor and sit on them, where they would be at my mercy.

Question 5: What fake super power would you have?

Well, since the heavy weight champion thing of number four is pretty cool, but a little unhealthy (think of the arteries!) I'll have to go with something different. Hmmm. . . if I could read minds I'd know if girls liked me or not, and I'd also become the worlds most amazing gift giver. If I could teleport I could visit anywhere I wanted to any day, and then come home at night. (why is it that teleportation is always limited to how far you can see? That's dumb) I think my favorite would be a super awesome duper brain, though. Then you could be like the mentalist, who basically seems to read minds. You could also create transporters (or really really fast crafts. Not like arts and crafts. Fast that kind of craft is a little weird) and you could use your amazing brain to act like a jedi. That would be pretty sweet.

Question 6: What real super power would you like to have?

As a clarification, a real super power is like a gift of the Spirit, if you're Mormon. If you're not Mormon a real super power is like a talent, only better because it's not always something that you can easily learn, and involves more than things like sports or music. I'd like to have the real super power of confidence/faith. It seems like most of the things that get done in this world are done by people who have confidence, not necessarily by the people who are the most naturally talented.

Question 7: You're stuck in a room for the next ten hours. What do you do?

Well, first I'd probably explore the room, see what there was by way of furniture, entertainment etc. Then I'd set about waiting to get bored. After I got bored (or antsy. Pretty close to the same thing? Oh, by the way, it wouldn't take that long) I would start thinking of a way to entertain myself. I'd probably start talking to myself. I'd check my email (if there was a computer), and then I'd look around for an opportunity to exercise. I would do push-ups, ab workouts, and if possible some pull-ups. It would take up a lot of time. Because I go really slow. If I had time left over, I'd probably let my mind wander.

Question 8: What's your favorite dessert?

Cookies. Specifically chocolate chip cookies that use oatmeal as part of the batter. Mmm mmm good.

Question 9: What's your favorite smell at Christmas time?

Pine. Freshly cut pine trees. I love the smell of freshly cut wood too, but that's not really a Christmasy smell.

Question 10: If you could go anywhere tomorrow (within normalcy) where would you go?

To a dance. Almost anywhere, anytime I'd love to go to a dance. Though most times I'd like to go with someone.

Question 11: What's one thing you wish your friends knew and understood about you?

How much I feel like showing vulnerability is like showing weakness.

Question 12: What's the first physical thing you notice about a girl/guy?

For me it's a combination of all facial features. Though, I must admit a very nice smile goes a long way. But then again, so do really beautiful eyes. They're almost mesmerizing. Like to enchant someone.

Question 13: What's the first non-physical thing you notice about a girl/guy?

There's a lot of possibilities here, because I find myself being impressed with girls a lot. How kind one is, how ready to have fun another is. How quick to laugh someone is, how easily someone gets along with others. How strong someone's convictions about what they believe is. How well what they say and do match up. Most virtues are fairly noticeable, especially if you're looking for them.

The one thing that most attracts me or I notice is how they express love for other people. I've seen a lot of girls who are really good at expressing that love. I'm kind of envious.

Question 14: What do you enjoy in your daily routine?

Hmmmm. My daily routine is fairly unpredictable at present. I get up late often, but sometimes early. I work out sometimes, but often don't. Bleh. I read/study sometimes, but often don't, I go to work almost daily, but that's probably not what I enjoy in my daily routine. If anything, I like the moments when my mind takes flight, almost literally, and my body goes chasing after it, shouting for it to come back so that I can think. But away my brain goes, exploring new avenues and venues and any other nue thing it can find. Ha. Nue. I think I just said I like daydreaming the most. That's terrible. Liking fantasy more than reality? That's a problem. Maybe I'll go eat a cookie...

Question 15: Who do you admire in your family?

Everyone. But because I know what the next question is, I'll say my sister Eliza. Woah. I just used a real name. When does that ever happen?

Question 16: Why do you admire them?

I admire my sister because she's just so dang unsinkable. I know, I threw her in a pool once. Okay, that didn't really happen. But if it had she'd probably float. She's one of the most determined people to be happy and to just do what's right, to keep at it, and to fight the good fight. She could probably take me out if that's what the good fight required. She might have to use a bazooka, cause I'm solid as a brick, but she could probably do it. She's amazing!

Question 17: What is the perfect gift for you?

For me? If it's from someone I like, probably the gift of a little bit of time. I took the quiz in the "The 5 Love Languages" book. Turns out that my language is quality time. No surprise there, really. I think the best gift you can give is showing someone that you want to spend time with them/have been thinking about them. Coincidently, it's really impressive to me (and I think lots of people) when someone I'm interested in dating shows by what they say or do that they've been thinking about me, without actually saying that they've been thinking about me. That's right, got to work it in there slyly. Clever, like a duck. Like a duck? Seriously, where did that come from? Anywho, if it's a family member, going on a trip exploring the world is marvelous, if it's a friend, just going to do something with me would be the best gift ever. On most days.

Question 18: What can a girl/guy do to make you melt?

Tickle the back of my neck. Seriously, I don't know why, but it makes me want to stop everything I'm doing and just enjoy it. Just to be clear though, if a guy tickles the back of my neck (outside of family, where I'll just say "what the heck?") I'd probably punch him in the stomach. And then apologize profusely. Profusely. How could something just be profuse?

Question 19: What do you think about when you are quiet?

Often nothing at all. Or I think about what I'm looking at. Or I think about the projects of the day. Which sometimes include girls. Not that you should think of girls as projects. Or a hobby. Yeah, girls probably wouldn't like to be referred to as an enjoyable hobby. Maybe I'll try that next time I want someone to be my girlfriend. I'll say "Hey, I spend a lot of time thinking about you and doing stuff with you anyway, would you like to be my most consuming and enjoyable hobby?" I'll let you know how that goes over.

Question 20: What makes you angry the fastest?

Historically it's been when guys mistreat girls, but I'm finding more and more that injustice of any sort from someone who doesn't have any real checks is a flash point for me. I get upset over the sorts of things that political parties do that change the face of the nation, I get upset about people abusing their children, I get upset over spiritual leaders lying to their congregations, I get upset about people who are in a position to change things and are only interested in their own furtherance. Blah! There's so much to do.

Question 21: If you could change anything in your own world, what would it be?

My own world being what I could conceivably change, I think I'd start with my schedule as it currently is. I'd go back to when I was dedicated to going to bed early and getting up early to exercise, study, and be productive from the get go. After that, I'd change my attitude so that I was more courageous to say the things that really matter. Have conversations that make me uncomfortable (does it seem wrong to anyone else that the more uncomfortable something is, the more it seems like we ought to do it? Maybe it's just me), and just be in general more willing to do.

Question 22: What's something that you struggle with?

I struggle with my emotions. And my emoticons. And emus. Mostly, I struggle with understanding my emotions. It feels like I still have a long way to go before I really know myself, and I'm kind of excited for the journey, though I can tell you there's going to be some pretty bumpy parts.

Question 23: What's something that you do well?

I do music well. Yep.

Question 24: Where do you go to feel peace?

Hmmm. There's a lot of places. The mountains, my backyard, anywhere I can sit and be still for a minute, my living room and front room where the pianos are definitely get frequent flyer miles too.

Question 25: Are you actually going to write/answer 100 questions?

Turns out making up one hundred in depth questions is pretty hard/exhausting. I'm pretty burned out here of answering questions about myself, seeing as it's a subject I'd rather not spend too much time divulging. Plus, I'm about to turn 25, so 25 seems like a pretty good number to stop on. So, no, I'm not! Ha ha ha!

If anyone reading this is interested in knowing more, I love answering questions. If they're not my questions, I may even come up with more clever answers.