Ironic

I was doing some blog-cleaning, and I found this lovely little tidbit from a draft that I was working on during the semester but never posted. I wish to share. I don't dream about sharing it, which is good because that means probably my wish is not straight from the heart and doesn't have any sort of Disney connotation with it. Phew!

"I've decided that, in some ways, academia is not actually interested in you learning anything valuable, just in turning out results. Thus I have lots of experiences, but very little time to actually work through them and divulge the secrets that I have learned, because I'm so darned busy reproducing what they've told me that I don't have much time for unstructured learning. That makes me structured. Like a house. Some would say a house of brick. Except I think that's mostly used in reference to girls, which I am not."

Wasn't that fun? This post really isn't about the myriad of rather fun ideas I've had for blogs, this is an ironic blog. Not a clean out the wrinkles, not that kind of a blog, but rather a talk about why the internet/electronic entertainment in general can be a bad thing, or a good thing. Mostly why it can be a bad thing, which makes the fact that I'm posting this on the internet sort of ironed. Ironic.

Anyway, I was thinking today, as I tickled the old ivories (they laughed), that it was amazing how even when I got completely enveloped in a song, and time went by rather quickly, I was fairly cognizant of my surroundings and also of my general situation. How I felt, what I was thinking (mostly about the notes, but you know how it is when you play a song that you've played millions of times before. Or maybe you don't. If you don't, ask me sometime, I'll try to explain. And I'll use my words), who was around, that sort of thing. I can get pretty engrossed while playing the piano.

But, as much as I love playing the piano and as much as I seem to disconnect from the real world, it is nothing compared to the disconnect I have when I'm on the internet, or watching a show on tv, or when I'm playing a video game. That disconnect is so total it renders me, um, stupid. That's right, I'm rendered stupid. If you're a nerd you can laugh now. If you're not a nerd, feel free to laugh. . . now. My sensors shut down and, for awhile, I think that I forget that I exist outside of my basic thinking modulus. Or whateverlus. It's like the world becomes two dimensional. Which is really sad because then I become two dimensional, which is anything but what I really am. Obviously, I must be three dimensional because I can conceive a forth dimension. But not really a fifth. What would that be like? Something that could move more than one direction in space time and something else as well? Maybe energy is a dimension. That'd be weird. No, that can't be it, to simplistic, and we can add and subtract energy all the time. But we can't add total energy. Maybe the universe is expanding because . . .

Woah! Serious digression! Anyway, the point is that electronic media is facilitating me taking away my own depth. I love my depth. I want to keep my depth. I understand why one of the apostles in this last conference said technology could leave you in the cold heart of isolation. Just look at it, we're more connected but feel less so all the time. (How many friends do you have on facebook? Would you be number 505 for me?) The ease of texting has made us lackadaisical in our approach to talking to one another, tv shows portray hookups instead of lasting relationships, and fast food is still nasty a lot of the time. That last one doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm saying though, it was just fun to say.

I've never been very good at the balancing thing. I seem to go from one extreme to the other. As a kid I would play video games all the time during my free time, until I realized how stupid it was, then I would play nothing at all. Until I decided I wanted to play again, then I would play for a long time again. A vicious cycle, and avoidable if one learns to balance. My suggestion then? Shoot the computer. No, wait, I meant we need to balance. Differences in how we socialize are not always bad, but any extreme always is. I'm tired of trying to build a relationship with someone through text. It's hard to have a friendship built off of bytes.

It's Been Awhile

You know, the title kind of says it all. The truth is that I'm writing this at one o'clock in the morning, when all wise and sane people have gone to bed. The fact that I just finished watching The Sorcerer's Apprentice and How to Train Your Dragon has nothing to do with the fact that I'm writing. Actually, the fact that I saw that other people are writing has to do with the fact that I'm writing. It's been long enough that most people will not read this, after all most people haven't read any of my blogs. Not even most of the people that I know (and that's reducing the number considerably) have read any of my blogs. In fact the number that have read any is pretty small, and the likelihood that they will read this is pretty small as well.

So I pose a question to myself. Do I really believe in the concept of truth prevailing, of goodness winning the day, and that love always seems to come out as the winning emotion? You know, that's an interesting question. Wait, what? No offhand answer? No cry of "Love Conquers All" or whatnot? (what is a whatnot? Or a whonot? Or how about a whosenot? A whonot might be something you'd find in the chocolate factory, though. I'll let Mr. W. Know. (No, not George)) Anyway, I've decided that most stories don't really reveal how complex real life is. And it's not because the decisions are that much more complex in real life. It's because there's a mixing of stories.

I'm kind of curious, when you take brownies out of an oven, what story do those brownies tell? Well, the brownies' story, of course, you say. The fun thing is, the brownies are made out of a lot of separate parts. We don't really tell the story of the sugar, or the chocolate, or the eggs, or the flour, or the whatever else you might add (salt, butter, a hint of vanilla. . .). But, as humans, are we brownies, or are we actually more like the various parts?

I must be pretty tired to be talking like this. I guess that this also has nothing to do with what I really want to say. To answer the question, though, I think love does win, but that's just because I hope to choose it in the long run. Evil can't win, it's not as powerful or pervasive as love. Don't believe me? How many evil people do you know? How many people do you know that fall in love and learn (albeit briefly for some) how to put love before greed? I think the human tendency is to love. Perhaps shallowly, but it's there.

What I really wanted to say was this: it's nice to have people to talk to. By talk I don't mean text. I mean talk to. I think we could all use someone like that. So if you want to talk, let me know, chances are I'm up for it.

A Point of View

I realise it has been well over a year. Hello, Internet.

It's amazing what writing can do. I know full well that at most three people who actually know me will read this, and perhaps two more, even with all the myriads of people who participate in the wonderful world of the www with all the dot-coms attached.

That being said, I still find it therapeutic to write here, as if somehow a shout into the endless noise of the cyber-communications will be heard and felt by some other feeling individual, not by soulless advertisements or unfeeling databases. I probably shouldn't come back into this writing realm by being negatory in my explanatory session, but I've never been good at not doing that, especially when who I'm writing to here may very well be only myself.

As a side note, I'm pretty close to one hundred posts. Maybe I should celebrate some how. . .

My brother got married this week. I've heard lots of people express what they think I should be feeling, or in other words what they expect me to be feeling, and I have to admit most of them have missed the mark. I fully expected to be happy for him, which I am. I fully expected to be glad that he's progressing, which I am. I failed to predict, though, how much it would feel like he's going where I can't follow. In other words, it feels a little like I've lost a best friend.

Which is worse than just silly. He and his new bride will be living close by, and he is my brother. He's not going to be physically going anywhere. So why should I feel like I'm losing a friend? Yest, even with all the reasons of why not to feel this way, I do feel. I needed to say that. It's been an emotional couple of months.

Goodness, I hope I'm not becoming a drama queen.

Action!

I hope nobody takes this blog the wrong way.

And I hope, really hope, that nobody quotes me out of context. Why? Well, because I think I've figured out why I've had such issues with dating, and why it seems that I can never get anyone to be interested in me for longer then it takes for the next hobo Joe to come along. Yes, I am a hobo Joe, and I don't mind admitting it.

Anyway, back to the title. I've figured out what all girls really want. Yep, that's right, all girls really want is action.

Now, before you start thinking I've turned into a cynical guy who thinks that you have to jump straight into kissing for a relationship to work (I don't, by the way. All studies seem to indicate the opposite) let me explain what I mean by girls just want action.

First, I understand that from a scientific point of view, girls are more prone to attachment than guys. I'm not sure I believe this from my own experience, but I've been told that the hormones that girls have actually make them more susceptible to attachment. That's kind of cool, actually, because that gives a pretty strong argument for a monogamous sort of relationship anyway (for girls at least-guys should do it just cause. That's right, I don't need a reason). If you think about it, that means that girls would react well to anything that indicates commitment. Sorry guys, if you really want to get in well with the ladies, you have to be committed. Oddly enough, that's not what guys are hard-wired for, but I guess we can learn.

Second, I've had long and involved discussions with people about the interesting paradox I call the Darcy Paradox. This is in reference to Pride and Prejudice. The majority of girls that I've spoken to have said that they much prefer Mr. Darcy to Mr. Bingley. I don't really understand this, since Mr. Bingley had, for all intents and purposes, a much more impressive resume. I mean, he was kind and gentle, comfortably well off, accomplished, and a good hearted man. Mr. Darcy on the other hand was anything but (okay, at the beginning) gentle and kind. What woman wants to marry a jerk?

For a time, I was borderline obsessed with this idea. Kind of creepy, huh? Anyway, Tolkien boy presented the idea that the reason why so many women prefer the Darcy's in our lives is because they prefer to have control. I didn't totally agree, I would say they like to feel committed to, one hundred percent. Darcy's redeeming quality was that no matter what he did, he couldn't help loving and being committed to Elisabeth. Again, I'm oversimplifying, but there's the point. Girls want words and actions to represent commitment.


You know the phrase, moderation in all things? It's kind of a skewed sort of thing in this case. I've known girls who were delighted when the guy that they liked showed one hundred percent commitment, that called a lot and did a million little things for them. I've known guys that enjoyed it when girls did it for them. Other guys/girls who had partners in crime like that called them clingy. I'm oversimplifying the issue, then, by saying that all girls really want is some action, but I think it's an important point that many guys, well at least me for the first 23 years of my life, have overlooked.

Then there are the players who know all too well how powerful that commitment appearing action is for the womens of the worlds. They've learned to master the art of appearing to commit even though they never do. Meh.

I invite comments, from the four of you who will read this. Oh, and I guess any add companies that for whatever reason decide that my readers want Viagra or some other drug, you can try and comment too!