Flirtaunting

Today The Padres splurged and took my brother and his wife and me to Texas Road House. The food was excellent, and I was very satisfied with just about everything. There was only one thing I was a little disappointed with: my waiter was a guy.

When you have a girl waitress (at least, in my case) there is a perfect non-committal flirting situation. Sometimes flirting can have adverse affects, such as someone believing that you feel differently than you really do, or even the person flirting believing they feel more than they really do. Flirting is a strange beast, an irregular but regularly practiced art. It comes in many shapes and forms, and can manifest itself in some of the oddest situations. Restaurants are the best place for non-committal flirtation because you can be pretty sure that nothing will come of it. Plus, flirting seems to be part of the job description for waiters and waitresses (which is about the only reason I can think of to work in a restaurant), and normally has the affect of acquiring a larger tip for the waiter person.

Flirting really is pretty strange. When kids are small, anything from a snowball in the face or a tug on hair can be flirting. When we get older, it would seem that there isn't much change, really. Guys make fun of the girls they like. They make fun of other people as well, but invariably there is some sort of teasing that must go on to ensure that flirtation is successful. That might be because teasing is something that only occurs when the participants feel comfortable with each other. I couldn't consider myself truly someone's friend until I had made fun of them at least twice. It's a screwy world that we live in

There's touching flirting. I've already written about the shoulder tap, and that is just one exhibit of flirting by touching. There is the hand holding (a subject which becomes increasingly confused in my head. Just how many girls' hands are you allowed to hold at the same time? I don't mean simultaneously, but you get my drift), the hand on the bicep, there's the carrying of the girl in true princess style, there is the gentle touch on the cheek, a soft removal of a hair, there's even kissing (gasp!). There's lots of ways to flirt with someone by touching them. I understand that these methods are more important to girls than to guys, but I cannot be sure about that. It might make a good book, though; "Flirting Techniques Best Suited for Each Sex." I would write it myself and make lots of money, but the truth is that I'm just as lost as any other guy in that aspect.

There's word flirting. Normally this type is broken up into two groups. There is the teasing type that has already been talked of, and then there is the group of compliments. Some compliments are designed to be non flirtatious, such as calling a girl lovely. Actually, any compliment can become a flirtation if said in the correct way, time, and to the right type of person. Mainly, someone that you find attractive. I really enjoy this type of flirtation, because you can get really creative with how you compliment someone. As a warning, I would suggest being careful with how you use this particular type of flirting. It's like supercalifradulitiousexpealidocious; it might just change your life, or back you into a corner you weren't expecting. It can happen. Or so they've told me. Complimenting people feels good, though. Go ahead, try it. I'm doing it.

My personal favorite is singing. It's hard to find the right time for singing, because this type of flirting is so seldom used and such a powerful medium that you have to be careful when you use it. Mostly because the outcome is going to be one of three: the person being serenaded will enjoy it immensely (that makes singing a wonderful flirting technique), the person won't notice or won't care (the balm of the singer's life and my most common outcome. This happens a lot, especially if you don't let them know that you're singing specifically to them), or the person will become uncomfortable. Anyway it turns out, singing is an awful lot of fun to flirt along with, especially if you're pretty sure that she already likes you, because there are sure to be lots of compliments that follow. My head still hasn't deflated from the compliments that I received after a horrible performance for someone I liked once. Go on, sing to your woman (or man), it's so beautiful!

Whatever your flirting technique, you can take refuge in the fact that flirting is not bad. This is something that I have to grapple with every once and awhile, because my personal beliefs about what is proper for a gentleman were for a long time the strictest and most ridiculous. I remember when I would flat out refuse to hold a girl's hand, even though we'd gone on a couple of dates and both liked each other quite a bit. If I reveal any more than that, I'm afraid that you will all mock me, and though some of it might me flirtaunting, it's hard to distinguish that over the internet, and even my ego can take only so much. I have recently been shown, though, that thinking that flirting is a bad thing is a flawed idea.

Flirting has many merits. I have no doubt that if I had had a waitress instead of a waiter, and if I had been of a flirtatious mood tonight, I would've received my dinner in a more prompt and serviceable manner. Not to say they weren't so at the Texas Roadhouse, just that they may have been faster. I had one friend who quite unwittingly ended up with three hot chocolates for the price of one, just because our waiter thought she was pretty. People well practiced in the art of flirting have more dates, more girls/guys interested in them (and therefore more choice), and obviously more flirting. Is it right to be so? Well, I guess that's a personal decision, but I'm changing my mind about it. So if I flirt with you, don't be alarmed, I'm just trying out my new philosophy.

Disclaimer: this blog was written under the influence of love songs.