Snighted

Is it possible to have a whole day make you angry? Is it really possible to be made angry? Doubtful, it is truly doubtful that anyone or anything can make you angry, anger being an emotional state and not a physical reaction. That being said, I was mad this last week. I had a very old fashioned perturbance, and I couldn't help but express it in both my facial and verbal expressions. I apologize to all who might have felt it's blunt.

I feel the need to explain, though. For me, getting into a snit (does anyone even use that phrase any more?) requires a chain of events to take place, because there are few issues that I feel strongly enough about that will incite any sort of dormant aggressive or agitated tendencies that I might have. The beauty of that is my personality is practically anti-drama. All dramatics that aren't of my own making bow before my commanding presence and ability to blow off almost anything. I hope the emotional tricksters aren't listening, I'm afraid they might just put me to the test. It truly does take a string of slightly unrelated occurrences for me to become truly agitated. To gloss over the first of the particular day that I have in mind, I was (and currently am) still getting over a slight disease that has the annoying quality of staying in both throat and nose, even though the rest of the body has long since healed. It's too bad, really, that the nose and throat should be the slowest of the all the appendages I deal with. After all, I use them a lot, and it's very evident to me when they are not running at one hundred percent. For the story's sake, that's point number one.

Point number two. I'm a nice guy. I admit it, though there is some bad feeling associated with the positive statement. Often the term 'nice guy' is used to refer to someone who is nothing more than a black hole filler, a person that is there and is a good friend, but not all that interesting romantically. In the day of my snit, I had a feeling that is not uncommon to me but is easily combated when my defense mechanisms are not compromised, that my entire existence might be termed as nothing more than the filler in people's gaps, and I as a person was not really valuable as much more to anyone. It was (and is) a selfish thought, the type that is created by an adversary only to make it so that all humor is sucked out of a situation, and normally I would shrug it off with a laugh, but this day I was all ready low, and it was like being punched while on the ground. Not a pleasant feeling, and a little harder to shake off. Especially because I felt like I was carrying around an aura of death, and should anyone enter my bubble, they would die. That's an interesting mental image to be sure (and I might have cackled evilly when I thought about the possibilities with some less favored friends of the day). Point two-I felt like I was useless.

Up till this point I was mostly just unhappy. Not really angry, as anger is a secondary emotion and I have a fear of commitment so I don't normally move to the next level. But no, every once and awhile I am spurred to action, and just like a horse will brake into a gallop if spurred correctly, I mentally broke (into a gallop-it was a beautiful experience, really. You should all mentally get onto a high horse sometime. It's liberating) when my coworker said something. While unable to recall the words completely (it took me a moment to realise what comment had upset me, and when I finally did my short term memory loss had already kicked in) I am still capable of recalling the gist of the words.

In a random thought, never try to use thin toilet paper when violently blowing your nose. It's a messy experience.

The idea of what my coworker said was basically this: I asked about the necessity of calling after a date (evidently this is done by normal people), and among the reply came this idea; girls KNOW (emphasis added because I tried to correct this word and was put down in my attempt) that if a guy doesn't call in the first week he's not interested. Because girls KNOW (yes, I did that on purpose again) that guys have short attention spans.

When I finally realised what that statement meant, I made myself upset by dwelling on the idea. In my twisted brain I made this interpretation: guys will lose interest in anyone or anything in the span of a week. Why should I find this so much of a bugger (the official word used when something it perturbing)? WHY? Oh, that's a pretty simple explanation. Basically, what you're saying is that guys are not faithful, nor are they true to their own feelings, and even they don't really have more than a physical interest. By throwing this idea out there, and that guys are so simple as to lose an attraction in the short space of a week, my coworker inadvertently awoke a silent bull. Silent because I wasn't physically exuberant in my frustrations until I was alone. I understand that others around me noted the unhappiness, but I doubt many people knew how upset I really was. Maybe I didn't even know.

I here must pause and ask the question, do girls really think that? It might explain my lack of ability in the love arena, but do they really think that guys lose interest that quickly? I think it would be a very damning trait of my sex if such were the case. Perhaps it most frustrated me because for me it isn't true. It's about the furthest thing from the truth, actually. I can form crushes in seconds, but the reversal is not such an easy prospect. Enough soul-bearing and baring. In an honest request for information, do girls really think so little of guys?

Following this mental outburst, I went to a meeting where once again I could not shake the feeling of un-importancy. Childish and foolish it may be, but it is still the truth of what I felt.

Then I came home to a piano that understands me, and who let me beat on it soundly until a rescue came in the form of vigilant friends. I will refrain from speaking of what happened then, because honesty is goodness as well as our my friends, and I'm afraid that any attempt on my part to explain my feelings during that evening would not be a correct representation of them or their kindness.

Whatever my feelings were, though, I was helped out of a trying circumstance. I remained with lingering doubts of importability (and no, I'm not talking about going to another country and seeing if the United States will import me) to just about anyone (including my friends) but I am grateful for them taking the time to notice my snit-i-tood and be kind enough to do something about it. Maybe I should reach out to someone in a snit a little more often, just to say thanks to those who've done it for me.

I have now officially been snighted.