I hope nobody takes this blog the wrong way.
And I hope, really hope, that nobody quotes me out of context. Why? Well, because I think I've figured out why I've had such issues with dating, and why it seems that I can never get anyone to be interested in me for longer then it takes for the next hobo Joe to come along. Yes, I am a hobo Joe, and I don't mind admitting it.
Anyway, back to the title. I've figured out what all girls really want. Yep, that's right, all girls really want is action.
Now, before you start thinking I've turned into a cynical guy who thinks that you have to jump straight into kissing for a relationship to work (I don't, by the way. All studies seem to indicate the opposite) let me explain what I mean by girls just want action.
First, I understand that from a scientific point of view, girls are more prone to attachment than guys. I'm not sure I believe this from my own experience, but I've been told that the hormones that girls have actually make them more susceptible to attachment. That's kind of cool, actually, because that gives a pretty strong argument for a monogamous sort of relationship anyway (for girls at least-guys should do it just cause. That's right, I don't need a reason). If you think about it, that means that girls would react well to anything that indicates commitment. Sorry guys, if you really want to get in well with the ladies, you have to be committed. Oddly enough, that's not what guys are hard-wired for, but I guess we can learn.
Second, I've had long and involved discussions with people about the interesting paradox I call the Darcy Paradox. This is in reference to Pride and Prejudice. The majority of girls that I've spoken to have said that they much prefer Mr. Darcy to Mr. Bingley. I don't really understand this, since Mr. Bingley had, for all intents and purposes, a much more impressive resume. I mean, he was kind and gentle, comfortably well off, accomplished, and a good hearted man. Mr. Darcy on the other hand was anything but (okay, at the beginning) gentle and kind. What woman wants to marry a jerk?
For a time, I was borderline obsessed with this idea. Kind of creepy, huh? Anyway, Tolkien boy presented the idea that the reason why so many women prefer the Darcy's in our lives is because they prefer to have control. I didn't totally agree, I would say they like to feel committed to, one hundred percent. Darcy's redeeming quality was that no matter what he did, he couldn't help loving and being committed to Elisabeth. Again, I'm oversimplifying, but there's the point. Girls want words and actions to represent commitment.
You know the phrase, moderation in all things? It's kind of a skewed sort of thing in this case. I've known girls who were delighted when the guy that they liked showed one hundred percent commitment, that called a lot and did a million little things for them. I've known guys that enjoyed it when girls did it for them. Other guys/girls who had partners in crime like that called them clingy. I'm oversimplifying the issue, then, by saying that all girls really want is some action, but I think it's an important point that many guys, well at least me for the first 23 years of my life, have overlooked.
Then there are the players who know all too well how powerful that commitment appearing action is for the womens of the worlds. They've learned to master the art of appearing to commit even though they never do. Meh.
I invite comments, from the four of you who will read this. Oh, and I guess any add companies that for whatever reason decide that my readers want Viagra or some other drug, you can try and comment too!
2 comments:
Interestingly enough, I agree. Although (as you mentioned) there are some ladies that don't feel this way. Let's face it, I know some girls that can outplay the players at their own game. Tsk Tsk!
Be aware. There is such a thing as being TOO committed. There is a guy in my ward who is always joking about being rejected and whining about his single status. We call him Joe Junior because he...leans. He wouldn't be that bad if it weren't for his negativity and desperation. It's a major turn-off.
But you really pegged it. Commitment is an attraction, especially for us "older" women who are tired of playing the games. When a girl thinks a guy is attracted to her and then sees him flirting with other girls, she gets discouraged and usually gives up on him. I speak from experience. There have been several times that I have counted my losses and moved on. These days, it would be nice to have a guy commit to a DATE at least. Sheesh!
Please don't sell yourself short. You are a great guy and you don't realize how many girls really do like you. I really think you'd probably be surprised. Not every girl moves on to the next hobo Joe. Frankly, I don't want to end up with a hobo. Then I'd have to be the breadwinner. ;)
But Major, I think I have discovered the solution to all of these problems; a solution that could help millions.
Viagra.
Let's see if I can say anything remotely coherent about this. I hope so.
I don't know if I, as a girl, tend to think in terms of commitment. Or rather, I do but I don't. In re Darcy: while I don't find him the most romantic hero in literature (give me a hometown, patient, knows-what-he-wants Gilbert Blythe any day over a Darcy, thank you very much), there's a certain appeal in his character toward the end of the book.
That appeal, for me, is this: he's serving Elizabeth in quiet ways without expecting recognition because he knows it will make her feel better. I mean, for cryin' out loud, they still haven't even reconciled the type of terms they're on, and he's going out of his way in order to help her.
So I guess I tend to pay attention to how service plays out in my relationship, and I pay particular attention to how often I'm willing to step out of my way on his behalf and how much he does likewise.
I don't work on a tally system of any kind; I don't think these things should work in an eye-for-and-eye, tooth-for-a-tooth, quid pro quo fashion. And perhaps it's a little egotistical of me, but I prefer being in relationships where I feel as though I am more important to the other party than the other party is to himself.
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