A Rant

This is the second blog I've written today, so please make sure to read both blogs, because both took very little time but were enjoyable to think up and write. So here it is: A Rant. This poem is actually titled "If"

If:

If, when I saw you,
I smiled and said hello;
Taking the time to call your name
To give you five minutes of fame.

If, when I saw you,
I said that it was nice
To see you one more time
So your jokes I could mime

If, when I saw you,
I asked you on a date
To go and do something fun
Perhaps to play out in the sun

If, when I saw you,
I was honest with my words
As I said that you were a good friend
The type that only God does send

Would you think that I loved you,
In any way more than just friends,
Because to you I’d always been true,
Like most everyone ought to be?

Would you pull me into a corner?
Would you ask if I cared?
Would you ask where we were going,
Even if you barely dared?

And what if I were to tell you
Even with my inner grief
That I do not make choices that fast
Then I’d heave a sigh of relief

I do not think I’ll be married
Anytime soon, you see
Every time I go on two dates or three
I must turn tail and flee

For it seems that my greatest sorrow
Can be summed up in this rhyme
When it comes to truly knowing me
Most girls haven’t the time.


This poem was inspired by thoughts that have been floating around in my head lately. It appears that there is an anomaly in Utah culture, or perhaps I should say Utah Mormon culture. I don’t think Mormon culture is a bad thing, per se, but there are extremes to be found left and right, and the one part of this culture that I wish to discuss this evening happens to be running around rampant for all parts of the state, and most especially (it seems) among the types of girls that I come in contact with. Maybe the guys too, maybe even I have this extremity as part of my psyche, but I hope not.

There is a “I’ll be getting married first/soon,” type mentality that is driving bonkers. I gave it this name, but basically it’s the idea that marriage must of a force come as the very first priority in any situation, and with any type of friend. I admit, shamefully, that at moments of weakness I have found myself a victim to this ideology. The idea that every relationship must be weighed by it’s potential to provide a soul mate. Too bad, really, that such should be the case. We cancel ourselves out of some really wonderful experiences by not allowing the moment to grow.

I’d like to share an example of closing off options. I don’t mean to say that this is always a bad thing, sometimes the options that are at hand feel awfully good (that’s so good it’s awful) so being closed is not a bad thing at all, and sometimes you wish the option had never been opened in the first place, in which case it’s usually okay to close it up. But, having said that, too often I (and I like to think I’m not the only one – it makes my silliness more bearable and less dagger like) fall prey to the “Okay, been on one date (or two, three, even up to five), now I know that person!” And then I think “well, I don’t know if I’m really a match for that person, on to the next one!” and I don’t even give it time to see what’s up. Sure I have a good time, but ask on a second (or third or fourth as the case may be)? Please, I already know them. I’ve been on one date, right? I had a serious conversation, right? I asked how many kids they wanted to have, what more could I need to know? (I’ve never actually asked that on a date, seems like it’d be a pretty creepy question to ask. Especially because mostly I’ve been on first dates)

I hope the point I’m getting across is slightly clear. My first point is that it takes more than a couple of dates to get to know someone. I say this as much for my benefit as for anyone. On a personal note, it’s really weird to deal with someone telling you that you’re not a match for them after two dates. I understand that this is not normal, but it makes me wonder if I’m really missing out on that much by not asking people on more second dates.

Another crazy thing that happens with this whole “Marriage First, Fun Later” mentality is that otherwise confident guys are driven into the paintwork, because they suddenly worry that just by asking a girl out she’ll think he’s smitten with her, that he loves her, and that just like the princes of fairy tales (and therefore Fake, Fake, FAKE!) he’ll swoop down and carry her off, and in three months they’ll be kneeling across an alter. I understand that girls are carried away in swoons of fantasy, and that this is all well and good, but please let the guy figure out how he feels before asking him to determine what sort of relationship you’re in. Most people that I know take some time to really understand how they feel, and one date is not enough time to really explore how much they like someone. Second dates are rarely enough time, as well. It may be asking a lot, but please, PLEASE! Forget the girl and get a life! Okay, I was joking, I actually wanted to talk to the girls. Don’t force guys into deciding what they feel before they really do. It takes patience, I’m sure, but let him figure the situation out. It’s better that way, anyway, because then you can see if you really like him.

Which leads me to my last complaint of the evening, or rant, or whatever you want to call it, which is directed only to girls, because at the moment I feel like ranting at your gender in particular. I hope that you have the sense to give yourself enough time to understand how you really feel about the situation before you close yourself off to anything. Someone told me that this is the time for correct decision making, and I whole heartedly agree. Take the time, and realize that going on dates does not always equal marriage, nor does it even always mean ‘set apartedness.’ Give yourself some room, give the guy room. Please, don’t try to force the speed of anything. If it’s supposed to be quick, it’ll happen quickly, I’m sure of that.

Coming from a guy who’s not afraid to admit it, if you don’t, you’re going to scare the willies out of the guy. Either that, or the guy won’t have the guts to say slow down (once again, to my shame I’ve been there), and the end won’t be very fun.

Did that make any sense at all? If not, I’m sorry, but it felt so good to write it, that I won’t be taking it back. So there.

To rant, to sing, perchance to dream.