Major Bubbles Needs a Date

Do you think we have a psychological need to go on dates? Maybe there's an unknown gland that suddenly flares to life at teenage years, that constantly sends an impulse up to the brain saying "must go on date" over and over again. I swear, if I could figure out which gland that was, I might just have it removed.

I speak lightly, of course. I love going on dates! I just had to mention it, because I seem to have built up a dependency on them. It's strange, really. Before my mission I could go a very long time without a date, but every once and awhile some hormone or other, or maybe glandular problem would flare up and I would feel biological pressure to go on a date. Maybe, as they say that girls hit the biological clock that calls them to children, I have a biological clock that calls me to dates. Problem is, I have no money, nor ideas of what type of date I would like to go on.

It's uncomfortable, really, having this calling going on, this summons to flirtation, without seeing the most viable form of fulfilling it. I mean, I bet there's lots of girls that I could go out on a date with (or at least I flatter myself to say so) but, questions like "where do I start?, who do I ask, what will I do" and the biggest "how in the world will I pay for it?" plague my mind and fill me full of doubt and uncertainty. It's boggling my mind.

I guess I could spend all of the money I have left and go on a date. A friend of mine, who I will henceforth refer to as Musical G, or maybe just G, invited me to find a date and go surfing. I will admit that I have adventured to go surfing before, but it wasn't of the least embarrassing circumstances I've ever been in. While it is true that I enjoyed myself immensely, I can't help but think that a date situation that is set up to make you look like a complete fool may not be the best idea. I guess that that way it would at least be light hearted. And heaven knows that I want to avoid anything heavy at the moment. Even weights. Ugh, I shudder at the thought.

I could go the way of the average college student. Picnic in the park, frisbee afterwards (though, on a date I am morally opposed to frisbee), a drive through the canyon, all of your basic non-expensive type stuff. As lame as they sound, these options are becoming more and more attractive, if only because they represent a very small economic commitment. Why, oh why, does dating have to be such an ordeal?

I'll end by saying, if you know someone who also needs to go on a date, and is of the female persuasion (and no, I'm not talking about men who are feminine, nor men who like girls. I'm saying a girl. No referencing men, I don't like that), please refer them to me. I can be reached by making a comment on this blog, or by the many other ways of reaching me. So, yeah, this is basically just my technological version of hanging a sign on a billboard, or writing a note in a bathroom that says:

"Call 1 801 Get Date for a good time. Major Bubbles needs a date"


As a post script, and because of the overwhelming support I have recieved from all my friends who read this post, (that's right, all five of you, I'm talking to you) I wish to point out that this blog was created purely for it's humerous affect, and not at all am I desperate for a date. Not that I wouldn't be okay if one of you lovely ladies were to ask. . .